Today could only have been more perfect if I had had someone to share it with. 🙂
“Your call
comes like the morning breeze
you spread
your wings and cover meUnderneath your shadow
I will hide away
it’s there I’ve found your shelter
and there I’d like to stayRefuge
you are my refuge
And when the world shakes, and nothing stands
I will hold onto your hand
Refuge.
It was a touching gospel song that I used to adore and, yes, still cry over, that we sung at in the youth group I was in when I lived in Cobb County. The church was “Mount Paran Church of God” in Marietta, the youth group was The Shift; our motto: We’re not changing directions, just shifting gears. I’ve since moved and separated from them, and I miss all of them terribly. I have never been around a group of people that loved me so much, and loved God so much — I think my subconscious fears that I never will again. I wish I could just go back in time and tell myself “HEY, LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE! Hold onto it!“, but back then I was too young, and too caught up in a boy crush (he was also in our group) to notice their support. My most honest, God-loving&fearing friend, the best I’ve ever had, I let slip through my fingers because I thought she was too “clingy“. Now I wish somebody was clingy like that, that someone cared enough about me to want to save me and talk with me, to help me with my future, and my soul, as much as she did. Screw what everyone else thinks about the two of us. Now she’s off doing mission trips in Uruguay..and I’m making terrible decisions, unclear about my future at all.
Sorry, I’ve been holding that back for a little while. I just wish someone would TALK TO ME. I listen, I participate — but why does everyone just turn away from me so much. They find relationships, or crushes, or get depressed over lost loves, or they move away, and I’m left by myself.
Now I’ve heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don’t really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelu-jahYour faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelu-jahBaby I have been here before
I know this room, I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelu-jahThere was a time you let me know
What’s really going on below
But now you never show that to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelu-jahMaybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew youAnd it’s not a cry, you hear at night
It’s not somebody, whose seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelu–jah
On My Terms 
Feb 09, 2009 @ 01:07:31
Ironically, I’ve also been listening to Hallelujah lately! 🙂
It’s a great song. But, lovely, please don’t listen to it if you’re sad. 😦 😦
It’s not good for that.
And, by the way, you’re never alone, Amanda.
Feb 15, 2009 @ 07:09:10
I think I’ve managed to memorize the lyrics to it, acshually :]]]
And no, it’s not good for sad emotions AT ALL.
But I haven’t been sad, more “reflective”, nostalgic on what I once had, remembering better days and stranger days alike.
No sad.
And I might not be physically alone, but it damn sure feels that way sometimes.