Recovery, post #1.

On one hand, I’m glad no one reads this blog.
And on the other, I wish more people read it, so I could get more feedback on the shit I punch out into cyberspace.

I am recovering from a dramatic turn of events; it’s a mental recovery, and I don’t think it’ll last long at all.

As I sort of noted before, I’m not sure who reads this blog, so I am going to be careful about the lies I divulge here. One of which was so gargantuate (sp?) and complex that even I got caught up in it. I didn’t want it to be a lie, but a lie it was, and eventually I had to tell the truth.

JulieABee, as she’s known online, is the one person I told about this lying problem that actually tried to help me. And help she did: she got me to confess two of my darkest problems; the two Big Ones that I haven’t told another soul. Only she knows one  of them, while the other was told to my best friend – and that’s it.

When you keep something quiet, it easily becomes your dirty little secret. You don’t have to talk about it, so you don’t have to feel as guilty or ashamed of it, therefore you keep doing it. Anyone that hears that might utter a “duh!”, but when you are the one hiding something, it doesn’t seem so obvious.

My bad habit is gone. There’s some good news. I’m still smoking (completely unrelated) whenever I get nervous and can get my hands on some. The last time I smoked, and it was just one, was at the Viewing (day b4 funeral) of the man who’s been my non-related grandfather for the past 7-10 years. The time before that, it was two I lifted off a friend of mine. I am yet to feel any “craving” for them, or anything like that. Guess you have to smoke alot more before any sort of addiction grows. I just smoke because it gives me something to occupy my hands with while I sort out the thoughts in my head. “D.A.R.E.” program be damned. They never told us how fucking hard it would be to be a teenager. They just said stay away from the baaaaaad cigs.

I’m gonna go off a few Formspring questions,, browse through twitter,, and finish a book I’ve been reading “Tempted”, by P.C. Cast, part of her and her sister’s House of Night series. WICKED good. 🙂