Because carleys reminded me. . .

My dream last night was vivid, and very strange.

Of course now I don’t remember it as accurately, but the heavy feelings are definitely still there, and it made my school day today a bit…awkward. There was a lot of build-up to this dream, but I’ll explain all that later.

In my dream, I was dating a friend of mine, we’ll call him Ty. The dating actually started in my dream; I guess he asked me out, or confessed some feelings for me or something (that parts fuzzy). In real life, he’s bisexual, a preference that I could usually care less about — but I have my doubts as to whether or not I could bring myself to date one. There’s just something in me that could maybe deal with the idea of another girl kissing my man, but another man kissing my man? It’s a stretch.

So we were really good friends first, then we were dating, and somehow the dream switched to the inside of an airplane. It was one of those little biplanes you see and hold your breath, hoping they don’t drop out of the sky and land on your house? Yeah, one of dem. He and his father were both pilots, but his dad was better, and we were all flying over…*fuzzy*…having a really good time.

At some point we were back at his house, and his mother pulled me aside, to give me some “lesson” about dating her bisexual son. No real words were exchanged, I don’t think, but she sat me down and forced me to listen to “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked” by the Caged Elephants. When the song was halfway over, I got anxious and said something like: “…So can I go now?” and she nodded and said: “I believe we understand each other.”

I don’t remember any details after that, except thinking that his mom is a total bitch (who I’ve never met; he doesn’t even live with his mom in real life!), but the feelings I mentioned before were still vivid. When I woke up I had a mixture of pitiful longing (for both a relationship like that, and a connection to Ty) and confusion. Ty has already gone through being on my “crush” list, and had almost succeeded getting off it. But this dream, plus the way we interacted today, brought those minute feelings back again. And now I have to sit at the table with him every day, and look at him, remember the way I felt in my dream, and imagining “What if that could happen…” But I don’t think so.

Sigh.

It still doesn’t stop my mind from wandering during lunch. :/
I am Amanda, undecided.

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