december, 2009

Currently reading: Wuthering Heights, Slaughter-house Five, & Maximum Ride #2 (Manga version).

Currently listening to (like right this very minute): Queen, Death Cab for Cutie, & Radiohead.

“…she was in love, according to the present universally received sense of that phrase, by which love is applied indiscriminately to the desirable objects of all our passions, appetites, and senses, and is understood to be that preference which we give to one kind of food rather than to another.” (ll.27-31, Anon.)

Usually it’s every Wednesday that my AP Literature teacher gives us an essay, but today in his absence, we received this week’s early. This was an exerpt of the second passage which I scribbled down fast in my notebook, because I liked it so much. The carefully coordinated phrase: “according to the present…phrase” is what made me laugh, because the meaning of “love” is changing so often.

I am getting a Tiffany’s necklace for Christmas :). Shallow? Me? No. But I do adore that little blue bag, containing that little sky blue box wrapped in a white satin bow sitting under my twinkling tree. It just looks at home there. Too bad that’s the first present I’m ripping (carefully) out from under said tree come Christmas morning. & after that, I will wear it every day. So those of you who know me…prepare yourselves for me to flaunt it. Not in an arrogant, bragging way, but like “EEEEK! LOOK! Ok. Carry on.”

I passed my Trig. test, barely, but I have really high hopes for my next one. Oh there’s another thing I lie to everyone about: my grades. WordPress, I will tell you this, it will be a miracle for me to pass highschool. What went wrong! That is what I don’t get. I know what I did: I was extremely lazy in both Chemistry & Government last year, as well as AP US History my 10th grade year, and had very poor end-of-the-year-report-card scores because of it. Acceptable. And so long as I can pass Adv. Alg./Trigonometry this year, no other class should really give me a problem. Actually, I just need to pass this semester (ends in January, after our Winter Break), and then the counselor has bumped me down to Algebra III, an on-level class, due to scheduling concerns. Much better teacher, much easier work. But it doesn’t stop me from feeling like a dumbass.

I have developed a dangerous habit, and can tell no one about it. WordPress, I can’t even tell you, because I have four people that care enough about me to ask, and it is no business of theirs to be rooting around in certain corners of my life. But I fear how long this habit is going to last. It is no real danger to my health, unless I’m stupid, so nobody jump to conclusions.

It’s as cold as ice outside. Oh how I wish it would snow. Maybe snow could inspire me, since snow boy could do it. Tehe. I tip my hat to those of you who got that horrible joke.

Yours truly has not yet had that sobbing, wretching cry that she so desperately needs this week. I’m getting in the shower soon — maybe it’ll happen then. How pathetic is that? When you have to schedule crying time. But crying and habit is how I let out that emotion deep inside me, y’know, the one that makes you want to scream as loud as your hoarse throat will let you? I would, but if I do it anywhere around here, someone or some stranger will come running, thinking I’m hurt or hurting someone. It’s not an angry scream, or a painful one; just “GAAAHHHH,BAHHHHHH,SAHHH!”, y’know? *shrug*

I had to post today, just so I could type and talk to someone. Funny: I talk to people all day, but I don’t feel like I’ve gotten what I wanted to say out until I write it down. I guess it’s because on here, wordpress, with you, I’m not interrupted by mundane thoughts, ideas, comments, and questions. & any comments I do get, I can ignore. 🙂

What would I do without you?

Surely go on strike against life.

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