I have news & an addiction. :P

My heart has stopped aching;
my mind is beginning to spin and whir with new ideas and confidences;
I have new outlets to express my anger and my kindness,
so maybe I will not feel as alone this year coming;
and the last flickering flame that I held for any boy is,
alas, at last,
dying out.

-cheers- To new beginnings?
No, this is no poem — it wouldn’t be up to my standards 😉 — those are just a few key points that I’m grasping as I head into this 2009-2010 school year. I have a little over 3 weeks before I start school again, and I couldn’t be happier to do so. I love summer because it helps you identify with yourself and your friends more than you are able to during the fall and spring times; if that makes any sense at all. When you are by yourself for so long, the time spent makes you look at every crevice of yourself; and when you aren’t required to see all of your friends every week, the specific acquaintenances you do seek out over the summer must mean more to you (consciously or subconsciously) than others.

Some goals of mine, like finishing up ‘Jasper’ or getting a great deal more writing done on ‘Base’, were not kept. It was not partially my fault: the laptop that I work on both stories on cut out on me, and I still have to bring it to a family friend to get it fixed. But we don’t have the money right now (financial instability), so I’m stuck with writing everything I must on pen and paper, unless I can get ahold of my mother’s laptop (which I’m on now).

But other goals that I didn’t know were going to be given to me did emerge: Candy, my personal trainer, for instance. She is helpling me a great deal to see the true person under this physical image. She’s helping me to stop giving myself excuses for the wrongdoings I’ve done in the past, and to, instead, look to the future and set accomplishable goals for myself. 2008-New Years, as my resolution I promised myself that I would stop caring what other people thought of my outside, and love who I was on the inside. And truthfully, there were some depressing days where I wasn’t sure if I could keep that promise or not, but I am proud to say that I am still standing strong on caring only about my opinion, and not of those judgementals around me. That I am happy about.

Another surprising twist that my mind had in store for me this summer was writing poetry. I was never too big-a fan of poetry in the past — sure, who doesn’t like some Shakespeare; but the complicated stuff, the poems that are 3945948059 pages long and spoken with “thees, thous, and doths” always irritated me.
But now it is as if my appetite for poetry is insatiable. I like writing it and reading over what I’ve written — heck, I even like editing it. && that’s a big difference from when I’m writing on my narratives, because I loathe editing those. It takes too long, and I always have writer’s block for a few days after I edit a long chapter.

But editing, writing, and understanding poetry is effortless.

ALSO I’ve come to a decision! In college next year, and for hopefully the next four years (after my Snr. year of course) I will be double-majoring in Psychology and English. My minor is going to be Zoology, only because the #1 college of my choice does not offer Zoology as a major.

I filled out my first application form this morning, for Moorhead-Fargo Minnesota, “MNU”. 😀

It is my top school.

My other choices: Twin Cities, MN (Minnesota State College); Seattle, WA [state] (University of Washington); and Billings, MT (University of Montana: Wildlife Conservatory & Forestry).

But Minnesota really sounds like the right place for me. I talked to a current student there (over the phone), and I was asking her all sorts of questions like campus size, people diversity, club diversity, & whether or not they have a Greek system. Because the Greek system fascinates me — I’m not sure yet if I’d like to pledge a sorority or not  (maybe too intense and “judgy” for my taste) — but the whole culture satisfies the inner-psychologist in me. =)

As a sidenote, to all my procrastination-loving peeps: http://omgpop.com I’m addicted to Balloono.


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