Upon an Eyelash of Happiness

(For some reasons, lately, all my poems have been sounding like messages; like, instead of “For Literature”, it is directed at someone, very informal and not at all complex. But it is what is roling around in my mind at the time I sit down to the keyboard or the pen, and I just cannot stop it.)

 

I hope you understand.

Your blow

You once told me that happiness was a delusion.
You said that people can only be content, satisfied; relaxed —
happy was just an expression used to define these things,
since no one can truly be such.
You asked, Why, if so many people are supposedly ‘happy‘, do they complain and find negative things in their life to harp on?

I blew upon an eyelash,
I wished upon a star,
I dreamt, I prayed to God
that somehow you would find your own delusion of happiness. If not with me,
and not with her,
then with some out of character stranger who is as of now unknown.

You had no clue.
You have no clue.
You draw away from my kindness, my feelings, and instead grasp my friendship;
and unfortunately, my friendshp is the only one thing of those three that has boundaries; limits.

If I don’t cut these silly ties now, how am I
to ever
find my own delusion?
I have been covering it up so far with the essence, the very life of you.

When you walked into the room, once,
and god, how cliche` it is and it sounds, my breath caught.
I stopped for a moment and allowed my simple gaze to fall over
the planes of your face, the curve of your neck, to the toes of your shoes.
Why not lust I crave for you?
That is so much easier to break through, cry over, and move away from.
I’ve done it before, as you very well know.

But this wasn’t lust.
What I am running away from, fullspeed ahead,
is something more.

Love, I can see this is one-sided,
let the two of us thank God I am not that naiive!
But I am confident now.
I am strong.
And I can take your silent rejection as a blow to the shield, and be stronger for it.

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