Such a merry Christmas

This December 25th helped me realize something (yay for realizations):

My worries are so trivial.
I’ve talked to people in the last 24 hours who have sufficient, mind-numbing, terrible problems to deal with on a day-to-day basis. People who have had some really screwed up shit happen to them; and here I sit, whining about boys or friends or school. They have their lives on the line, and are sometimes doing some pretty terrible things to dim those problems out, but I obliviously complain about things that don’t make a bloody difference.

I need to grow up, and slowly but surely, I think I am. Religiously, fundamentally, physically, culturally — I am growing up. And it’s about damn time. I need to realize that it isn’t just about me or my new presents; just because my old crush has no interest, that is not going to bring the walls down; my dad in the hospital isn’t the end of the world, because he is still in the hospital. Still on this earth. Some people don’t have that luxury with their fathers.

It is very, very sad for me to think that maybe some of my classmates will never come to this realization. They will graduate, date & marry the guy of their dreams, live in subsidized housing with a dog and a nice fake lawn; and they will die, going to church and spoiling their grandchildren like any “Great American Family” member should. No hardship, no grief, and no reality.
I am not wishing grief or hardship on anyone, but if you haven’t been at your lowest, the you haven’t experienced everything that could be with your life. You won’t know you “have it so good” if you’ve always had it that way. To step out, engage yourself with popular & unpopular culture, and work for what you want is healthy and I prescribe it to everyone.
Then, when you actually get the white-picket fence and the nice family, you will appreciate and love and protect them all the more.

I’ve not seen the lowest of my lows. And I don’t look forward to them, but they are there; there’s no avoiding pain or trial. You just have to hold tightly to your seat in the world, and brace for the ride. My seat? My friends. My real, true, lovely friends that I will die for. My family who looks at me and sees a great person without judging me first. My faith in myself. That is my stronghold here.


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