I’m back :)

I think I’m going to be updating a whole lot more often now. Partly because of my new look — the new look of this site — which I love!

It’s black, yes; but it’s a soft color, much better than the blinding white I had before.
I’m planning on updating more frequently, so I can write stuff out here instead of keeping it bottled like I usually do.

Nicole, my new closest, bestest friend, has been so amazing for me lately. Thank you, N! She helped me when I was alone. Sure, I’ve always had friends, always had family around me, but that doesn’t mean that any of them really wanted to have anything to do with me for a time there. And now I’ve come to realize that you can’t hold on to the past forever. Sometimes the friends you had in middle school or elementary school fade, they forget you, or you move away from them. And no, I’m not talking about Alex, I’m talking about so many other people. People I loved like my own sisters and brothers — but it’s alright now.
I have my Nicole, my Rachel, my Wayne 🙂
Best friends a girl could possibly imagine.

About a year ago this time, RiverRush (my roleplay site) closed down for the last time. It was actually in January, early January, and it broke my heart. I mean: SPLIT, down the middle, no chance of repair. Roleplaying was my rock for so long, the one place where I knew other people cared about what I thought and appreciated my writing. True, we had a few bad apples there: quite a few, and they made their presence known. Two of which actually lead to the downfall of that site.
In the past few months a former member of that site approached me, on Myspace no less, Wayne, but I knew him as Vassili. Just talking to him, and actually reading a post that he sent me, reminded me so much of the time when we all used to talk and were so happy. We were a big family! And on this anniversary, my heart is ripping all over again, because I know that that family can never be repaired again. I’ve stopped roleplaying, for reasons beyond my control. I tried to blame it on school, tried to blame it on other literary projects I was working on, but in the end it was that I was too frustrated with the betrayal of those two members that my heart wasn’t in it anymore. I was done administering a site with traitors in it’s midst. And even when the antagonist left and brought her sidekick with her, I still felt empty. Because at one time she was a huge essential to the “RiverRush family”. I miss them all so much.

I still keep in contact with those I knew as Scarlet, Delilah/Artemis, Vassili, Iris, Tilani, but it’s those I haven’t contacted I’m afraid I’ve lost forever. And that hurts. It’s like your sisters moving away and you never talking to them again. Never knowing how successful they’ve become, if they have a new family now, if they’re doing okay, or if they’re even still alive! It’s even more hurtful to remember whom turned her back on me. I’ll never meet her, for she lives in Texas I believe, but I even miss her. She was my friend, for over two years, they all were! She was my co-administrator, practically my co-worker, and was an amazing writer!
But she had to prove unfaithful. Insulted my character, my dear departed Amaroq and that is unexcusable. You never attack someone’s passion — EVER. I don’t care how angry you get at them. She abandoned her post, broke our family bond, and left us for good.

I forgive her, I miss her, but I will not forget what she did.

My dad is in the hospital again. He is paralyzed this time. He’s been in the hospital twice now since his major surgery. The first time it was because he lost his speech, and felt numb down his left side. This time he can’t even move his right arm or leg; he’s paralyzed on his entire right side. They think he could have fell coming up the stairs. What the doctors need to do is keep him in a rehabilitation program for much, much, much longer to watch him.
My nerves aren’t as bad this time. I’m still nervous and worried and anxious for him, of course, but I have friends to help me through all this. A few that I thought were amazing friends turned out to be not-so-great, but my dear Nicole, my Vassy (aka Wayne), Katrina; they are always here. I love’em. 🙂

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Nicole
    Dec 11, 2008 @ 03:09:56

    My Lovely Amanda Doll,
    This almost brought me to tears. ❤

    I love you and I shall never abandon you because that’s what friends are for. And I’m not a crappy friend, I pride myself on that!

    Thank you for being there for me too, may I add, you’re one of the few who know of my Greek God, Rick, and I plan to keep it that way. Unless he doesn’t want to, hehe!

    Anyways, I don’t even have a wordpress so I feel sorta lame and don’t understand how it’s going to post my comment without me being a member but I’m hoping that me and wordpress will start out on the right foot and it will post it despite the fact.

    Love you,
    Nicole.

    p.s. Guess what your plans are this weekend?
    Hmm? Hmm?
    That’s right, with me!

  2. Nicole
    Dec 11, 2008 @ 03:11:21

    Ohhh, Success! It posted it!

    x2!

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